VIAGEM INTERROMPIDA (CORAGEM)

Colégio interno! Vocês não sabem como é difícil para uma criança, sensível como eu, ficar isolado de sua família, de sua fonte de afeto! A cabeça começa a entrar em pensamentos obsessivos, doentios. Eu buscava  os motivos daquela prisão.  Perguntava pra mim mesmo : -“o que fiz de errado? “Porque estou sendo punido “? A consciência vai desenvolvendo defesas pra nos proteger do inimigo oculto. Sim, oculto! Não podia imaginar que minha mãe me desejasse tanto sofrimento. Seria insano pensar isso! Logo ela por quem eu sentia um desejo tão grande de estar próximo. De sentir seu cheiro  tão gostoso! Seu hálito morno!” SUA PRESENÇA TÃO FORTE”! Não eu não podia pensar dessa forma. Tentava me convencer que  forças maiores fizeram com que ela me prendesse, lá!  Pensei muito. Na minha loucura concluí que foi , “DEUS”! Talvez “ELE” achasse que seria bom para mim. Ela sempre falava do grande poder e sabedoria  que ” ELE” tinha! Fiquei nesses intensos conflitos, dias e noites seguidos. O que me aliviava, de vez em quando, eram os momentos de esportes que a gente praticava. Lá eu soltava parte da raiva contida ! Mas o alívio era rápido, à noite tudo voltava novamente. Isso virou um ciclo vicioso em minha vida! Não dava mais pra aguentar!  Lembro que quando chegava as férias de fim de ano, eu me sentia como um passarinho solto da gaiola. Feliz, mas com muito medo de voar. Numa dessas férias, quando já fazia quatro anos de “cárcere”, resolvi que não voltaria  nunca mais pra lá!  Enquanto estive em casa naquelas férias, não contei meu plano à ninguém. Quando foi chegando a hora da volta, foi batendo o desespero! Não é possível que minha mãe não percebesse.Ela me conhecia tão bem! No dia do regresso ela  me deu o beijo frio  de sempre!  Recomendou juízo e cuidado! Colocou eu e a minha prima no ônibus que iria nos levar para o interior, onde era o internato. Ela desceria na metade do caminho. Essa prima tinha a mesma idade que eu! Estava indo numa festa na casa de uma tia nossa. Era aniversário dela! Não fui convidado! Havia uma comunicação não verbal me impedindo de expressar a enorme tristeza que eu estava sentindo.!  Ninguém sabia que a minha decisão já estava tomada! Na hora em que Carla  foi descer do ônibus, eu, num impulso,  desci também ! Fui procurar viver a minha festa! Me enchi de coragem!  Voltei para casa de meus pais, novamente.  Agora com menos algemas mentais!  Estava no auge dos hormônios e dos sonhos!  Rasquei o coração! Chorei muito! Falei de todas as dores contidas! Da enorme solidão e angústia que eu sofria naquele lugar. Para surpresa minha recebi um enorme abraço e acolhimento de minha mãe. Conheci o mel que estava escondido atrás do beijo frio! Nunca mais fugi de mim!

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