SOL E DESEJO ARDENDO! (SENSAÇÕES).

Na manhã daquele domingo quente de primavera, acordei agitada. Transpirando muito. Camiseta molhada, grudando nas costas. Suor excessivo.  Transpiração do medo! Pesadelo  tinha me atormentado a toda a noite. Intensamente. Corpo todo dolorido. Parecia que eu tinha levado uma bela surra. Você,  Rodrigo, voltou com toda a força. Pensava que já tivesse morrido em mim! Naquela noite te senti tão vivo! Passei horas ouvindo  tua voz  quente.  Murmurando palavras quentes. Indecentes. Desejo ardendo, pelos poros! Parecia que havíamos retomado os velhos tempos. Brincadeiras ridículas. Você me fez rir, novamente, até doer a barriga. Meu doce palhaço! Sensível e irônico! Homem menino, carente. Tão forte diante da vida! Eu nunca soube de onde vinha tanta força e firmeza. Com sua história de vida triste. Depois de tanta rejeição e abandono… Que força para enfrentar a vida! Sabia que despertou em mim intensa vontade de cuidar de você? Esse foi um dos aspectos  que me encantou. Sua ambivalência de caráter. Forte e frágil! Em minhas horas de dor,  sua presença energética  sempre me acalmava. Sabia Mostrar um mundo melhor.  Isso atrai muito, sabia? Você se permite ser dual. É uma das poucas pessoas que conheço que se expressa tão naturalmente quanto uma criança. Na noite do pesadelo, revivi  paixão profunda que avassalou a gente. No sonho, revivi seus beijos quentes, provocadores. Subi  nas nuvens. Trêmula e feliz, envolvida em seus braços fortes,  auge das sensações, olhos fechados, num  repente, um empurrão inesperado. Quase perdi o equilíbrio. Me apoiei na parede, tentando entender o que estava acontecendo. Cabeça confusa, olhei para baixo, cena assustadora.  Você estendido no chão. Sem sentidos. Parecia morto! Desesperada, não encontrava meu  celular. Não pensei duas vezes. Sai de casa correndo, pela rua afora, pedindo por socorro. Desnorteada. Escuridão. Todas as luzes da rua apagadas. Não havia ninguém por ali. Gritava. O som da voz não saia.  Meu maxilar rígido. Garganta e boca secas. Mente fixada só em meu amor, estendido lá no  chão frio do quarto.  Nessa condição, enrijecida, catatônica, Acordei. Nossa, alívio! Sofrimento terrível, esse pesadelo. Não imaginava que ainda te amava tanto! Já há quase oito meses que a gente havia se separado. Ciúmes ridículo de sua parte. Eu não aceitava o seu controle. Enfurecida em  duvidar de mim! Isso eu não admitia. Risquei você do pensamento, de tanta raiva. Só não sabia que não tinha riscado do coração. Pesadelo  revelador. Acordei você em mim! Muito medo de nunca mais te  ver. Levantei da cama. Abri a janela do quarto. Cheiro de maresia pelo ar. Barulho das ondas, ar fresco. Surgiu vontade enorme de  respirar e correr na orla. Ao mesmo tempo, sentia um aperto no peito!  Sentimentos intensos, despertados naquele sonho/pesadelo. Coração acelerado.  Necessidade em ser ouvida. Abrir o peito. Conflito instalado. Aceitar o convite do sol? Do coração? Liguei! O reencontro foi um renascimento. Mãos dadas. Desejo queimando as entranhas. Dia mais quente de todos os verões. Rodrigo:- Você vai ser pai!

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