Um casal, Marcos e Marisa, meus pacientes, está atravessando uma grande crise em seu relacionamento. Eram adolescentes quando se conheceram no colégio em que estudavam. Mesma idade. Sonhos profissionais opostos. Ele queria ser engenheiro. Ela psicóloga infantil. Muito diferentes em suas expectativas de vidas. Ela, extremamente emocional. Construía castelos encantados que decorava com os seus mais lindos sonhos. Era uma arquiteta de fantasias. Muitas vezes inverossímeis. Delicada e sensível, dona de uma meiguice tocante. Todos se sentiam bem perto dela. Sabia ser amiga e confidente. Empatia era o seu ponto marcante. Não suportava ver o sofrimento de quem quer que fosse. Especialmente crianças e animais. Possuía também um charme envolvente que servia como um instrumento para alcançar as suas metas. Nesse aspecto era bem fortalecida. No colégio, competia com outras meninas sem medo de perder. Paquera escolhida, paquera ganha. Possui um lado muito competitivo, encoberto por uma delicadeza intensa! A filha preferida de seu pai. Tinha duas irmãs mais novas que sentiam muito ciúmes e inveja dela. Isso na vida a tornou segura no contato com o sexo masculino. Por outro lado, ficou carente pela falta de contato afetuoso entre ela e as irmãs. Sua mãe, mulher simples e desconectada da realidade, nunca percebeu a disfarçada hostilidade entre as filhas, tampouco conseguia ser amiga delas. Era aquela mãe que fazia comidinha caseira e saborosa. Com um cheiro de ervas. Tempero inconfundível! Expressava seu amor dessa forma. Tinha dependência e uma certa obsessão pelo marido. Ela simplesmente o venerava. Ele, ao contrário, era articulado, racional e um tanto rígido. Só conseguia falar de amor quando rabiscava algumas poesias. Criativo e inteligente. Carente. Tinha uma atitude de responder as expectativas do outro. Em casa era um homem rude. Presente nas dificuldades que envolviam ação. Já, nas que envolviam o coração, não se podia contar com ele! Crítico demais. Menosprezava qualquer problema emocional. Achava que era “choradeira”. Profissionalmente se deu bem na área de construção civil. Sempre foi um bom provedor. Um conquistador disfarçado. Não podia ver mulher. Precisava ser admirado e valorizado por elas. Marisa tinha nele um ídolo. Nunca questionou qualquer aspecto que pudesse denegrir a imagem do pai e nem o silêncio esquisito de sua mãe. Assim que cresceu, passou inconscientemente a procurar esse mesmo modelo de homem. No colégio, depois de alguns namoros, conheceu o “famoso” Marcos. Personalidade fascinante, segundo ela. Encontrou nele muitos traços de caráter semelhantes ao de seu pai. Marisa se apaixonou perdidamente. Naquela tarde iluminada de primavera, em que o conheceu, seu coração decidiu que se casaria com ele. Foi se enamorando cada vez mais pelo seu jeitão. Queria alguém que a completasse, assim como ele. Algo muito forte e mágico! Ele por sua vez se encantou com a meiguice e calma de Marisa. Não se desgrudavam. Namoraram por um bom tempo. Quando tinham vinte e dois anos resolveram apostar no casamento. Antes mesmo de se formarem. O início foi difícil. Muito trabalho. Pouco dinheiro! A ambição cega de ganhar muito, prevaleceu a tudo. Ela, em sua clínica de ludoterapia. Ele, em fazer projetos arquitetônicos. Muitas alegrias. Frustrações e reconstruções. Estabilidade financeira chegou após sete anos de muito empenho. A sexualidade, que era como um fogo no início, praticada frequentemente, com muita pele e tesão, foi esfriando sem eles se darem conta. A relação emocional foi ficando em segundo plano. “Corroída pelo exagerado valor ao dinheiro e ao trabalho”. Não sobrava tempo para a relação. Marisa cheia afazeres domésticos, além do profissional intenso, recheado de muitos congressos, dava constantemente uma desculpa qualquer, evitando intimidade na cama. Marcos, embora cansado, de vez em quando, fazia algumas tentativas. Sem o mesmo entusiasmo do começo. Parecia uma obrigação de macho! Até que foi rareando cada vez mais. Marisa não esquentava a cabeça. Achava normal. Atribuía ao cansaço, simplesmente. Só uma fase transitória! Mas, não foi bem assim. Numa noite, depois de sete anos de casamento, Marisa recebeu a ligação de uma mulher dizendo ser a amante de Marcos. Foi o telefonema mais amargo de sua vida. Contou histórias de arrepiar sobre Marcos. Tantas traições e mentiras! Suas pernas bambearam. Começou a suar frio. Jogou-se no sofá da sala estarrecida. Não podia acreditar no que ouviu. Não sabia se explodia ou implodia. Tudo aquilo era patético. Fechou os olhos. Segurou o choro. Sentimentos confusos. Indignação profunda. Assim, arrasada, jogada no sofá, surgiu como num filme, imagens de uma cena vivida em sua meninice. Cena bloqueada em seu peito há tanto tempo. Surgiu forte e clareadora. Viu o desespero de sua mãe, abafando o choro, escondida num canto escuro da cozinha. Marisa tinha ido buscar um copo de água antes de dormir. Sua mãe, assim que a viu, tentou se recompor. Sempre escondeu todos os seus problemas emocionais. Nunca expressou questões de seu casamento. Naquela noite, assim que Marisa entrou na cozinha, enxugou as lágrimas no avental, tentando disfarçar e esboçando um sorriso qualquer. Para Marisa, aquela imagem da mãe, contida, como a de uma criança que foi punida e que não podia expressar a sua dor , ficou congelada em seu coração. Ouviu, naquela mesma noite, seu pai dizendo que iria embora na manhã seguinte. Que daria recursos financeiros à família. Essa memória emergida, reascendeu dores reprimidas em Marisa. Medo de abandono! Entrou em contato com um buraco em seu peito. Aquele acontecimento refletira muito em seu comportamento e escolhas diante da vida. Mesmo depois de adulta, nunca se dera conta da intensidade dos estragos sofridos. Nunca mais conseguiu pensar nas sensações daquela noite. É como se ela tivesse apagado da mente toda aquela cena vivida. Desenvolveu uma defesa para não alterar a sagrada figura paterna. Não queria saber se ele fora promíscuo ou cruel. Para ela, ele era o maior! Só que na noite da revelação de que Marcos tinha uma amante, quando sordidamente ouviu coisas obscenas a respeito de seu marido, frases que nenhuma mulher equilibrada aguentaria ouvir sem enlouquecer, foi como tivesse descongelado um iceberg de dores reprimidas guardadas há tanto tempo. Emoções recalcadas emergiram trazendo à tona medo de rejeição e abandono. Ali, ela pode como nunca entender sua mãe. Identificou-se na dor, não na fragilidade. Isso não, mesmo! Naquele momento, Marisa resolveu lutar pela sua felicidade. Não entregaria os pontos tão facilmente. Iria tentar resgatar o seu amor. Quando Marcos chegou em casa, o clima esquentou muito! Xingamentos, ataques, defesas! Crise! Conversas equilibradas. Pedido de perdão! Casamento muito doente… Início de depressão. O casal veio buscar ajuda. Queria tentar resgatar a chama perdida ao longo do tempo. Já estão reconhecendo que faltou cuidado. Relação é como uma plantinha. Tem que ser cuidada todos os dias. Casar todos os dias! Tirar ervas daninhas. Formigas que podem matar a planta. Carinho. Respeito e amor. Cuidar é prevenção em todos os aspectos da vida. Remediar pode não curar. Como dizia minha mãe:- PREVENIR É O MELHOR REMÉDIO!
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