Nasci de parto normal cercada de expectativas e de carinho. Pais apaixonados e ciumentos. Gostavam de fazer filhos! Fizeram seis. Família grande. Dificuldades financeiras. Muita dignidade e contato afetivo entre os irmãos, principalmente. Se não fosse o excesso de ciúmes de meus pais, talvez tivesse sido perfeito. “A pobreza maior é a da alma”! Lá em casa não existia isso. De algum jeito cresci com uma ótima auto imagem. Talvez tenha sido a atenção exagerada que meu pai dava a mim. Ele fazia com que me sentisse uma princesa. “Eu me achava tão linda”! Isso me deu segurança e abriu caminhos. Desde pequena fui amorosa e meiga. Muito sensível. Sofria com as dores do mundo. Essa minha condição emocional refletiu, muitas vezes erroneamente, uma imagem fragilizada de minha pessoa. “Sensível e forte”! Teimosa. Sempre soube buscar meus desejos. Peito aberto. Guerreira! Fiz faculdade de “Assistência Social”. Queria me envolver e ajudar pessoas carentes e necessitadas. Tive sorte; logo que me formei fui contratada por uma ONG que cuidava de crianças e as preparava para a vida. Muita realização! Casei com o homem que escolhi. “Tinha um olhar tão profundo!” Forte e bonito. Crescer e vencer, estas eram suas metas. Cheio de si! Ele me enchia de orgulho. Eu sentia que a minha vida era como um conto de fadas. Vivia com a cabeça nas nuvens. Filhos chegaram. Lindos, lindos! Um menino e duas meninas. Muito trabalho e amor transbordante. Realidade brava! Conciliar tudo, junto a um marido que foi se revelando cada vez mais brilhante, porém muito individualista. Começaram a emergir seus aspectos psicológicos não expressos anteriormente, que foram desgastando nosso relacionamento. Meu marido não sabia o que era cumplicidade na vida a dois. Chegava a ser sufocante! Numa coisa ele era bom. Sexo. Amante fogoso. Sexo era o seu fraco. No dia-dia eu precisava respirar fundo para administrar sua arrogância. Engolir a seco e manter aparente felicidade. Sempre dava uma nova chance a nós! Manter a família unida era sagrado para mim. Não queria a separação. Achava que seria a ruína de nosso lar. Até porque as crianças precisavam muito dos pais unidos. Que seria dos nossos fins de semana regados a vinho? Risos descontraídos por qualquer bobagem que se dizia. Verdade que “vinho na cabeça” bloqueava o homem crítico e egoísta que se escondia em meu marido. “Naqueles momentos eu o amava como antes”! E os Natais, como seriam? Tão esperado pelas crianças! Troca de presentes? Amigos secretos. Avós, tios, primos. Todos reunidos! Não. Eu tinha que lutar pela família unida. “Preferia suportar meu marido sem vinho!” O tempo foi passando… Filhos tomando rumos na vida. Viraram adultos. Tão de repente, meu Deus! Nem com o tempo meu marido melhorou em seu egoísmo. Pelo contrário. “Acho que o tempo vai evidenciando as qualidades boas e ruins das pessoas”! No caso dele, muito mais as ruins. Sem os filhos nossa convivência foi ficando insuportável. Comecei a me entregar mais e mais ao trabalho na busca de momentos leves e saudáveis. Queria ficar longe de críticas e cobranças. Daquele ambiente emocional pesado. Meu alívio acontecia quando os filhos nos visitavam em fins de semana. Revivia um pouco os momentos felizes. Nosso corpo vai nos dando sinais! Numa segunda feira, depois de um desses fins de semana, acordei me sentindo muito esquisita. Apesar do sol brilhar lá fora eu sentia um dia cinza. Nada estava fazendo sentido. Não queria sair da cama. Uma certa dor de cabeça. Corpo pesado e dolorido. Pensamentos ruins. Estava sozinha em casa. Meu marido tinha ido trabalhar como de costume, muito cedo. Em meus cinquenta e seis anos nunca tinha me sentido assim. “Sem vontade de viver”! Tentei usar o racional para entender o que estava acontecendo comigo. Rapidamente me sentei na cama, em posição de lótus e pratiquei meditação. Respirei com a alma e o corpo. Quinze minutos. Milagrosos. Insights aconteceram. Decisões importantes. Libertação. Não me condenaria mais a essa vida! “TERAPIA DE CASAL OU DIVÓRCIO!”
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